


[DVD Commentary] in the dark (i can hear your heartbeat)

by amosanguis



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: DVD Commentary Challenge, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:21:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29345031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amosanguis/pseuds/amosanguis
Summary: He hears: “turn here” and “listen carefully” and Poe nearly trips as a Stormtrooper says the words that wrap around Poe’s right thigh.[wait, is it 'stormtrooper' or 'Stormtrooper'? i still don't know and it's been *checks notes* six years]
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Kudos: 1
Collections: DVD Commentary Challenge





	[DVD Commentary] in the dark (i can hear your heartbeat)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [in the dark (i can hear your heartbeat)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5532287) by [amosanguis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amosanguis/pseuds/amosanguis). 



**[i never never never thought i’d get a fic w +3k kudos, wtf,,, i’m going to give credit to two movie bumps and the lovely lovely lovely podfic by kalakirya and reena_jenkins]**

-z-

He hears: **“turn here” and “listen carefully”*** and Poe nearly trips as a _**Stormtrooper****_ says the words that wrap around Poe’s right thigh.

> *** first words are always a fun challenge and i wondered if maybe i could just pretend that it’s just something from their first conversation - not necessarily the very first words your soulmate says, but just something from that very first conversation - it’s a nice work around on why everyone still says ‘hello’, but also would’ve let me use “you need a pilot” “i need a pilot”; but it is what it is and, in this case, i thought i’d just go with it and see what happened**
> 
> **** i waffled back and forth for hours on whether or not this word needed to be capitalized. finally just did it and decided to just be consistent.**

He tries to think of something witty to say, but all that comes out is, “What?”

The Stormtrooper doesn’t react.

-x-

Finn feels his breath hitch in his chest – his throat tightens and fear spreads up his **scarred spine** and digs icy fingers into his neck.

> **used this as to indicate that this is after the events of the first movie.**

**Large and blocky letters*** on his forearm: “WHAT” – Finn slams his eyes closed, puts his head in his hands and tells himself over and over and over that he’s okay, that he’s no longer part of the First Order; that, from what he can tell, the Resistance doesn’t carve people’s words from their skin.**

> *** military writes in all-caps so whenever i do soul words aus, if one of them is military or military-adjecent, i usually have them write in all-caps.**
> 
> **** this whole damn paragraph is just one sentence lol @ me - this is definitely one of my bad habits, but i like the flow so i don't do much to fix it.**

(He decides to be safe, though, and doesn’t tell anyone that his word is back.)

-

Finn doesn’t know why the word is on his arm nor does he know its significance – (it had used to mean _pain_ and a trip to **sterilization*** ) – just knows that up until he was ten, it had always been there. Then the word was **stripped, layer by layer, from his arm as he screamed**.**

> *** this probably should’ve been capitalized, huh?**
> 
> **** i’ve never had a tattoo removed, but i imagined that the removal of a soul word was a few levels above that**

It had returned a year later – and it was removed again the same day.

When he learns about birthdays from Poe ( **apparently it was Snap’s today*** ), Finn tries to remember the day that the _WHAT_ had shown up again and if he should tell Poe that that was probably his birthday. **That’s the kind of information that Finn thinks Poe would like to know.****

> *** i always try to remind myself that there are other characters outside of the pairing i’m writing, so if i can at least mention them that’d be great**
> 
> **** look at finn, slowly on his way to being a real boy**

So he counts back.

“My birthday was eight days ago,” he says to Poe. “Please don’t ask me how I know that.”

Poe’s mouth immediately opens to ask just that, but Finn doesn’t give him the opportunity – **just turns around and walks away, ignoring Poe calling after him**.

> **i like to think that rey taught finn how to have boundaries and the importance of sticking to them; maybe the resistance has therapists, too, for ex-stormtroopers, who help finn w this - but that’s a fic for another day maybe**

(Later, when they’re sitting in the mess hall and eating lunch, Poe tries to bring it up again – and Finn abruptly stands and walks away. The whole of the gathered pilots around them falling silent as Finn leaves.

Poe doesn’t ask again.)

-

Finn stares down at his letters.

He wants to carve them out of his skin.

T **he _WHAT_ has only ever brought him pain and he’s tired of the instinctual fear he gets every time he sees those simple lette**rs.

> **story time! so, i have rescue rabbits and one of them of has been w us for almost ten years now and he'll always thump (in this context, a sign of fear) at the sound of jingling change. why? because, at some point, he was harassed by a dog, and the jingling sounds like the sound of tags clinking on a dog’s collar. that rabbit hasn’t seen a dog _at all_ in _ten_ _years_. but he remembers. **
> 
> **now i’m not saying finn and Z are exactly alike, but i am saying that just because one part of your brain is telling you you’re safe, another part of your brain will remember the Bad Thing and tell you have to go burn off your soul words.**

-

He’s **tipsy on some kind of brandy*** Poe brought him from another planet and he’s staring down at his arm when he finally thinks, _**Kriff **** this._

> *** like finn, i too make all my skin care decisions based on how much alcohol i’ve ingested recently.**
> 
> **** learned this word from other fics because i have no investment in star wars aside from finn and i’m only here because i saw a buzzfeed article about stormpilot.**

Then he’s on his feet and he’s running to medical.

He grabs the first nurse droid he sees and shoves his arm under its nose.

“Can you burn this off of me?” he asks, edging closer and closer to desperation.

“I cannot,” the droid answers, sounding **almost horrified as it backs away**.

> **i don’t know anything about nurse droids in star wars fandom, but cultural osmosis of c3po told me he acted like that so i figured nurse droids could, too**

“I need it gone,” Finn says, panic in his throat. “I _need_ it gone.”

“Then how will you find your soulmate?” the droid asks, backing away faster as Finn advances on it – but its words stop Finn.

“Soulmate?” he asks. He digs around in his head for the meaning of the word – he’s heard it thrown around in conversation between the pilots, but **no one explained the exact meaning and Finn had never thought to ask**. He’d always figured it was just another one of those cultural things Stormtroopers had never had a need for (just like birthdays and names).

> **finn and i both here hoping cultural osmosis will save us in this universe**

The droid launches into a lecture about how humans would know who their destined mate – **or mates** – is by the first words they ever say to each other – the words themselves appearing as tattoos. The removal of which was reprehensible, a form of _absolute_ dehumanization.

> **shout out to my poly people**

Finn feels sick.

He feels torn.

He thinks about Poe, wonders what he would have to say about this – he wonders, if Poe has them, what his words say.

He shakes his head violently, says again, “I need it gone.” There’s a soft chirping at his feet and Finn looks down, sees BB-8. It chirps at him again. **“It is reminding you that you are no longer a Stormtrooper,” the droid continues softly.**

 **“It’s not like that,** ” Finn says. He opens his mouth to say more, but the words don’t quite make it past his throat. Instead, he looks at the nurse droid and asks, “Will you tell anyone that I was here?”

> **one thing a lot of ex-soldiers have problems w is learning how to be an _ex_ -soldier. this is an ongoing theme in a lot of my works.**

The droid hesitates. “Not unless I am asked directly,” it settles on.

Finn turns and leaves.

-x-

Poe traces his fingers over the words on his thigh – slightly slanted lines that were neat and efficient – remembers the gun at his chest, the tight grip on his arm and: _turn here_ ; remembers being shoved, and then: _listen carefully_.

 **If his whole body hadn’t been in agony that day** , he wonders if he would have felt his words burn.

> **one job of an author is to introduce obstacles :)**

-

Poe wants to ask Finn what his words are – wants to know if Stormtroopers were even capable of having them (he immediately regrets the thought – Finn has always been wide open, always vibrating with excitement and acceptance and curiosity at the world he never knew; Finn wasn’t like the others).

But there are things that Finn Does Not Talk About and what happened Then, before _turn here_ and _listen carefully_ , falls firmly in that category.

> **too bad they can’t just Communicate**

-

They’re running when suddenly Finn says, “ **Wait a minute, turn here.” He grabs Poe’s arm and pulls him into a tent – the two of them doubling over as they gasped for air. “Okay,” he starts, ready to come up with another plan, “listen carefully** —”

> **a lot of the fic up to this point had written itself, but i struggled at this part. how was i gonna get these two to talk about it after establishing finn Wasn’t Going There? if i had poe force the issue, would the fallout be worth it? and how could you justify something like that? imo, that’s not something you can kiss away. so, i settled on ‘they say their words TWICE and it takes the second time’.**

And Poe doesn’t quite hear the rest of what Finn says – his blood is roaring in his ears as the words wrapping around his thigh begin to burn.

When Finn snaps his fingers in front of Poe’s face, Poe stumbles back a little, shakes himself and says, “What?”

And then Finn is the one who’s taking a step back – his hand coming up to clutch as his left arm. And now Poe is standing all the way back up and his eyes zero in on Finn’s arm. “ **What**?” he repeats breathlessly.

> **say it one more time. y’know, just in case.**

Finn shakes his head, looking for all the world like he’s about to run (except that there are headhunters outside and their ship's been blown up and backup’s still a few hours out and there’s nowhere to run).

“It’s okay,” Poe says, his thigh is on kriffing _fire_ and this is their second chance – their second chance to claim their bond. “It’s okay,” Poe says again, reaching out and taking Finn’s arm. “I’m not gonna hurt you.”

“Please,” Finn says, the word coming out in a rasp – and Poe knew it was from the pain, that he wasn’t the only one whose words were screaming.

Carefully, Poe pushes up the sleeve of the jacket he’d given to Poe almost a year ago – and there, in his all-caps handwriting: “WHAT” and Poe’s breath catches in his throat.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Poe asks.

Finn shakes his head – and Poe understands. There was a reason from Then, and therefore it’s a thing that Finn Does Not Talk About. And Poe wants to be frustrated – they’ve lost so much time, now, but then Finn is leaning in and h **e’s pressing a chaste and hesitant kiss to Poe’s lips**.

> **i mean, is now really the time? y’all’re surrounded by bad guys. is it really time to make out? the answer is yes - there’s always time to kiss your newfound soulmate, tbh, esp if you’re already buddies.**

That won’t do, Poe thinks before he’s wrapping one hand around Finn’s neck and the other around his waist and he pulling them flush together.

-x-

The kiss is slow and sweet and perfect – and the tattoo on Finn’s arm hums.

> **sometimes you just have to be cliche because it’s fun and sweet and you (the reader) and i deserve to enjoy nice things.**

-z-

End.

**thanks for reading! feel free to ask questions if there's something you want to know more about. and don't forget to support your local podficcer <3**


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